Revelations II

Have you ever wondered why over time, as the proverbial "The Honeymoon is over" says, most marriage relationships metamorphosed from the "lovey-dovey" state of romantic bliss to "nag-nag" and "pow-pow" state of dread?

According to Andy Stanley, a pastor and marriage counsellor, the author of "i-MARRIAGE", the capital "I" gets in the way of a married couple.

When a man and a woman court and look forward to a future of "living happily ever after", they enjoy sharing their hopes and dreams together... of having a family, a comfortable home, a car or two, satisfying careers, the occasional vacations, and financial indepenedence, and helping to save a fallen world, just to name a few.

Those are legitimate and worthwhile hopes and dreams with which to share between two people who are in love.

Let's place those hopes and dreams in a box labeled "Desire".

In the box of "Desire", we find plenty of unconditional love and an abundance of "What would you like's".

When the honeymoon is over, the married couple have a tendency to switch from watching out for "YOU" to what's in for ME, the subject of which is the Big "I".

As soon as "I do" is pronounced at the altar, there seems to be a devious and sinister detour which follows, leading us to announce loudly, both in words and deeds, "I want".

When two big "I's" collide in a marriage, "Ouch!" happens.

Stanley paints a vivid picture analogous to dumping the contents of the "Desire" box into a new box labeled "Expectations".

When legitimate desires turn into expectations, the marriage relationship turns from one of unconditional love to that of a debt-debtor relationship.

"You owe me!"

When legitimate desires become "you owe me" expectations, the sweet "lovey-dovey" unconditional love evaporates like morning dew, and we begin to make demands of each other.

Stanley reveals that the secret of reversing the state of dread to that of romantic "lovey-dovey" is found in Ephesians 5:21.

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

This, of course, is a Christian advice for a Christian marriage. But, anybody can subscribe to it if it truly works. It costs nothing!

To show my gratitude for what Christ has done for me, He prefers that my expression of thanks be shown through loving my spouse unconditionally.

This is analogous to "Don't thank me with a gift, but donate your gift to a charitable organization instead." Except, in this case, you give to your spouse ("loving entity"="charitable organization") in His name.

God has chosen me to show my love for my spouse unconditionally as His preferred way of having me say, "Thank You, Lord, for redeeming me."

Why he has chosen me, I have not a clue.

Perhaps, it has to do with God's view of His people, His church, as His bride.

Living from this perspective, we begin to pour the contents of the "Expectation" box back into the "Desire" box. We will, then, be enabled to love unconditionally again.

What would that eventually bring about?

The romantic candle-lit dinner, bathed in the nuances of "Romance de Amor" that you enjoyed years ago, and the desire to please the "You", instead of the "I".

To begin this reversed journey to romance in marriage, one must honestly ask: "What does my spouse owe me?"

Well, what's your answer?

Stanley suggest two remedies which we can apply immediately and daily :

1) Express my gratitude to my spouse for the smallest things.

2) Perform for my spouse acts of unconditonal service.

Then, "Da Da!"

Watch a miracle happen.

Romance!

Can you handle that!