Friday, August 14, 2009

Saying goodbyes

I do not like saying goodbyes. Not at all!

I said goodbye to my Dad at age 21, and I never saw him again.

Just last week, we said goodbye to Willow, an "adopted" daughter of the Chan Clan, who was heading out on an indeterminable journey to find herself. It was hard for me, thinking I won't likely see her again. It must have been hard for the boys.

Konrad has been home for two-days-short-of-a-week already. He took time off work to come by Greyhound bus and attend his good friend, Jeremy Kroeker's wedding.

On Sunday, Konrad will be leaving for Vancouver again. Another goodbye to say. The next time we'll see Konrad will be at his wedding in Vancouver on January 2, 2010. We will likely drive through the States to his wedding. And, I'll be flying back the day after the wedding as school will start the day-after.

Bill is not doing well. His cancer has invaded all parts of his body. His vital organs are beginning to shut down. He has been incoherent for two weeks now at palliative care at St. Boniface Hospital. I visit him almost everyday. I read him appropriate passages from the Scriptures, hold his had, and pray for him.

Pat is in a state of surreal being fed by pure adrenaline. She is exhausted and is just be.

It would be a matter of days before saying goodbye to Bill. Except, this is more than an earthly goodbye. This is a farewell... a bon voyage on his way home where his Heavenly Father is eagerly waiting to embrace Bill with His open arms.

The glory of God said to His apostle John about life after death about this "New Reality":

"Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:3b-4

God promises to be with Bill as spoken by His Word.

Amen and Amen again.

Oh! What comfort, and what joy!

Yes, "goodbye" in earthly terms, but, "welcome home" in heavenly chorus.

Still, I do not like saying goodbyes.









Wednesday, August 12, 2009

What tugs at my heart?

In the past six weeks this summer, I happily surprised myself with having read six novels, each averages 400 pages. I now have a head-start on my own reading challenge this school year.

All these six novels are Christian fictions by my favourite writers: Davis Bunn and Ted Dekker. I read Bunn's All Through the Night, My Soul to Keep, Ted Dekker's The circle Trilogy: Black, Red, White, and Showdown. Now, I am ready to delve into Dekker's Three.

All these novels have something in common: no matter how dark the plot turns, good always, always wins out in the end to God's credit. I feel so uplifted with having read them, particularly Dekker's portrayal of God's incomprehensible but victorious love for mankind.

It a neat thing what fiction writers are able to do! They depict unseen and unseeable concepts such as God's sacrificial love through the cross of Calvary, His immeasurable grace and forgiveness, His miraculous healing of hearts torn asunder, and God's triune nature and His three-in-one relationship and fellowship. These are not scriptural revelations, neither are they theological truths; nonetheless, these are the creative conjectures of inspired minds who help the readers to grasp highly ethereal notions in a tangible way.

What else tugs at my heart?

My friend Bill is dying of cancer, and he has just days to linger on this side of the Great Divide. I am glad that before he was totally overcome by his illness and while he was lucid, he accepted Christ as his personal Saviour. He is heading home where there is no more tears, pain, death and sorrow. He will be with his Maker and Saviour, the One who loves him so much.

Our youngest son Konrad has come home by Greyhound from BC for a week to be at his good friend's wedding. Only one week! I do not even know how to begin cherishing his presence. He has all his friends to visit and things to do. Then, he'll be heading back to Vancouver by Greyhound.

Konrad is getting married in January, and the family is going west to celebrate his nuptial at Christmas. Konrad mentioned that he and Bena might go to Hong Kong to teach EAL. That means, he may not be home at his birthplace anytime soon. That tugs at my heart.

Mikael and Erik's good friend, Willow decides to go on a journey to find herself. I am convinced that she is on a spiritual quest. I hope she find Jesus. As a matter of fact, I am certain she will ultimately encounter Him. But, on the first three hours of her journey to the USA, she was rudely turned back because she is young, single, looks unconventional with a shaven head, has no job nor home in Canada, and her newly purchased second-hand van was full of her belongings. She was refused entry into the USA because she was deemed a high risk for illegal stay in that country. That broke her spirit and tugged at my heart. Now, she is on her way to BC instead.

Mikael is till struggling with some of his mood swings, seemingly lost friendships, and the side-effect of medication. He struggles with social anxiety and depression. That tugs at my heart.

Erik just met a new girl friend. They seem seriously involved. I still miss Marita, Erik's former girl friend. Also, her step-dad, a very nice guy, unexpectedly passed away last month. That tugs at my heart.

Mons is doing very well in his university studies and his music creation. He will resign from a nice job from the school division. That also tugs at my heart.

Debbie is not doing that well health-wise. She lacks energy to perform a task. She experiences the occasional "melt-downs". That tugs at my heart.

There is so much I want to do everyday, and there seems to be so little time to accomplish what I would like to do. That tugs at my heart.

I want to do things and relate with my family, but, everybody has divergent foci and interests. Not being able to have as close and sustained a relationship with each member or with the entire unit truly tugs at the deepest recesses of my heart.

However, I am learning to let go of things that tug at my heart into the hands of the One who is absolutely sovereign and more than able and capable to satisfy the deepest yearnings of one's soul.






Friday, August 7, 2009

I had it all wrong!

I was at the Willow Creek's Leadership Summit yesterday and today. The messages from speaker after speaker rang loudly and impressed indelibly in my soul that the church today is out of sync, out of step, and out of tune with the changing world for whom it's supposed to serve. We tend to serve superficially and ritualistically, not Christ-like sacrificially.

Yes. That makes a world of difference! In other words, Christ's bride is not keeping time and step with her Bridegroom in the eternal waltz.

Particularly poignant was Tim Keller's treatise on how many of us who profess to be Christians have it all wrong. Many of us fail to focus on the cross when we apply biblical principles in living a Christian life. Keller draws a chasmic distinction between biblical thinking and Calvary living.

In his latest book, The Prodigal God, Keller, for the first time in my life, makes the parable clear for my own reflection and use.

Though "prodigal" means "wayward" when it was used to describe the younger son in the parable, it incidentally also means "recklessly extravagant". Thus, "prodigal" and "prodigious" are etymologically related words. The father in the parable is indeed a metaphor of that descriptive word, prodigal, recklessly extravagant in the way he welcomed and rejoiced in his son's return.

The father watched in the distance, as he did so everyday, saw a lone figure coming down the country road, rested assured that it was his son, ran to welcome him half way down the path, hugged and kissed him, wouldn't have time for his son's prepared apology, placed a fine robe over him, slipped a family ring on his finger, slaughtered the fatted calf, brought out the fine wine, and had a great celebrious party that said it all: "Welcome home, my son! Welcome home! I love you!"

There are three main characters in the parable: the father, the younger son who had turned prodigal (wayward), and the elder brother who dutifully ran the family farm.

Of course, the father is our Heavenly Father, and the elder brother represents many of us who are His church universal, and the prodigal son is the un-churched and wayward back-slid sinner that I am.

The father loved both sons equally well and lavishly. It broke his heart when the younger son did not love his Dad and did not bother to hide that fact. The younger son in effect told his father in his face that he had no love for him by his words and actions: "Give me my inheritance. I want to get away from you!"

Inheritance is passed on only when the parent dies, not while he lives. The prodigal son in essence is saying, "I wish you were dead!"

The elder brother was the "goodie-two-shoe" who dutifully did his father's bidding: "Yes, Dad. I know what to do. You can count on me. I won't disappoint you."

The elder brother was the religious crowd, the biblical Pharasees, scriptural teachers, and temple keepers. They did what they perceived as doing God's work, and they were proud of their dutiful good works. Even when they sinned and repented as instructed by the scriptures, they rejoiced that they had so quickly repented, and were proud of their ability to swiftly repent... particularly in public, as on street corners and on roof tops. They lived a life that is in keeping with scriptural principles.

But, do they love their Father more than their prodigal brothers? Not a chance! Their life is a ritualistic doing; not a deep humble surrender to and enjoyment of the Father's love. What's worse is that they are under the delusion that they love the Father by doing what He wants.

Why is that so?

Unless I go beyond living in accordance with biblical principles and become truly pained by looking at the cross on which God suffered and died for me, I would have never understood the extravagantly generous and self-sacrificial love God has lavished on me ... His running to meet me half-way, His hug and kisses, His return to me my membership and inheritance in His family, and the rejoicing in Heaven.

Why did the elder brother get so upset when he saw what his father was doing... welcoming his wayward brother home with an extravagant party?

As it turned out, though believing that he had filial love for his father by being a dutiful son, the elder brother did not truly love his father either. He just waited to get his share of the inheritance in due course. In the mean time, he did what he thought he was supposed to do. "This is Tuesday. It must be a day for weeding."

"This is Sabbath. It must be a day to turn our mind and heart to God."

"I find it hard to forgive her for stabbing me in the back."

"I am so cynical and bitter about how our government works. There is so much unfairness and injustices."


"I must offer my tithe because I do not want to steal from God, or cheat Him with what He deserves. He deserves one-tenth of what I have. The scriptures tell me so."

The above examples indicate my lack of understanding of what God has done for me. They are illustrations of biblical-thinking, but not Calvary-living.

Calvary-living compels me to sob uncontrollably at the empty cross of Jesus and understand the price He has paid for my renewed family membership. When I begin to understand the unfathomable price God paid for my sins to make me sinless, then what is 10% of my income in comparison to His all! In fact, what is material possession and even life itself if not to be used prodigiously for His Kingdom?

When I begin to appreciate the betrayal and injustices that God Himself had endured while on earth, who am I to nurture my bitter roots of critical spirit, resentment, judgement, unforgiveness, and a temptation to back-stab a few?


Both brothers wanted the same thing from their father... his money. The elder brother in effect said, "Dad, I have been such a faithful and hardworking servant to you. I deserve my inheritance."

"God. You owe me my salvation. As a matter of fact, I am my own saviour."

The prodigal son wanted his father's money as well. He turned wayward. He back-slid into a life of moral blackhole. How he fell (Not too differently than Lucifer in that regard)! But, at the bottom of the deep dark mucky well, at the end of his resources and himself, the prodigal son could only look up and saw light above. He knew that to survive, he must make all attempts to climb up.

To his big surprise, as soon as the prodigal extended his hand to make his first climbing motion, his Heaven Father extended His loving hand to pull him up out of the miry depth... in the same graphic depiction of how God the Father reaches out His hand and finger towards Adam who extended his hand and finger rather half-heartedly on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in St. Peter's Basilica.

God's love and salvation is a finger's breadth (a prayer) away!

Towards the end of this parable, the lost son truly ran back into his father's embrace; and he truly enjoyed the party thrown for him by his father.

The prodigal son said in effect, "I am a sinner. You do not owe me my salvation. YOU are my salvation!"

The object of living a Calvary-life is to appreciate the distance God has gone to save me so that I may enjoy His holy presence in His family again.

Too bad for the elder brother who sulked and refused to join the party. Instead, he spent time complaining how unfair his father was to HIM, the loyal son, the heir-apparent, and now, the (self-) dejected.

"Dad. How could you even think of spending prodigiously the portion of my inheritance for this wayward brother of mine? What gets into you?"

To whom did Jesus tell this parable?

Read the Gospel of Luke, chapter 15 and find out.

My rhetorical question is: "As a confessed follower of Christ, how do I live my faith? Live biblically and spiritually? Or, live everyday appreciating the price and victory of the cross?"

Living my faith the latter way is to awake from my spiritual deadness, as Jesus beckoned Lazarus at his tomb with: "Come forth and live!"